thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
