You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
