I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
