perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize