I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
