i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
