By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
