i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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