My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize