I'm gonna have a badass scar
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
