We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
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I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You have to summon your inner elephant
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
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I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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