She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Someone signed my nipple.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
