ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
