so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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