I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Soap is not a condiment
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
