I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
