Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
