she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
