My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
