I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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