When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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