Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
