Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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