I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
