You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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