would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
