I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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