is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
