Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
