i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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