Ambien. No doubt about it.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
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I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize