Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
