Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
