I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
