"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My vagina just clenched in fear
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
