i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
