This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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