Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
