Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
