He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
