wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
