Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
