Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
