brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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