alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize