you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
