worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
