I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
