So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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