While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just made my gag reflex go away.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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