can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
