Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
