i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week