That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
