A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!