Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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