i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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