Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
