Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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