is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
