So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
