dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
