After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
