The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
