my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
