Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize