i just wanna soil my oats bro
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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