How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
