Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
