He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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