Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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