Can i not drive my cunt home
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You're earring is so big in my mouth
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
