yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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