Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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