Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
